Grief and Loss Counseling
Dealing with grief, trauma and loss may leave one feeling overwhelmed, heartbroken, scared, confused and lost. This can lead to feeling alone, isolated and invalidated. Talking with someone in a supportive, caring and non judgmental environment can provide the space to process the full range of emotions grievers are left experiencing. Normalizing, understanding and allowing space for feelings that may include; guilt, anger, relief, helplessness, and/or anxiety can be powerful as one begins to heal. Sharing one's experience and story can create connection, hope, and understanding at a time someone feels alone and empty. Bearing witness and championing one through the grief process is one of the most valuable and sacred honors among relationships.
Grievers often receive the message from others and society that grief should be private and resolved in a few months. If you ask someone supporting a bereaved person, what is one thing the bereaved needs? Many times they will say "Don't talk about their loss (to avoid upsetting them)". If you ask the bereaved what is the one thing you need as you grieve? Many times their response will be "I need to talk about my loss". This shows how misunderstood a griever can feel at a time of loss. We are taught to "stuff" our feelings, "begin to move on" and "be strong". When one has the opportunity to openly grieve and share their feelings in relationship with others, they then have the ability to transform feelings of emptiness and loss into a peaceful state-of-being and healing. Although experiencing the thoughts, memories, and visions associated with your loved one may be painful, it may lead to a deeper understanding and acceptance that will eventually evolve from your loss. This can result in finding new ways to connect and honor the relationship you shared with your loved one. Time lines and expectations can pressure a griever to move on too soon. One doesn't get over a loss of someone who has held space in their heart. However, one can learn to live with the hole the loss has left behind.
It is not uncommon for people to be reluctant about counseling, especially when grieving. "How will you be able to make me feel better?" is a common question expressed to me. The honest answer is; I cannot make one feel better. However, providing a compassionate and open presence can help facilitate and support someone as they go through their grieving process. Many think, "I should be strong enough to do this on my own". One of the most powerful ways to grieve is by sharing how your experience is affecting you as you receive unconditional support, acceptance, love and validation. Grieving is really hard. However, expressing and processing our grief can create a new connection and bond with our loved one, other than only through the loss of them.
You do not want to go to a counselor to receive advice. You want someone to allow, validate and explore your experience, through your perspective. You have all the inner resources and strengths within you to heal from your pain. Although, it can be very difficult to draw from these inner abilities when grieving. Being able to sit with feelings and go through the wilderness of grief provides insights and different perspectives needed to shine light on inner strengths and one's innate ability to heal. Grief is reflective of the love shared within a relationship. Being open and connected to one's grief is also the path and connection to the love shared.
Grief counseling can help you...
One of my most honored roles, as a therapist, is bearing witness to the love, memories and relationships. I have worked as a bereavement counselor for Hospice of the Valley for 6 years and as a Group Facilitator at the Cancer Support Community for over 8 years. I have learned and been inspired by the resiliency and strength of the many grievers and cancer survivors I have had the opportunity to meet.
Other losses addressed in therapy include:
For further ideas of support, please check out my blog, "Helpful Suggestions for Dealing with Grief"
Grievers often receive the message from others and society that grief should be private and resolved in a few months. If you ask someone supporting a bereaved person, what is one thing the bereaved needs? Many times they will say "Don't talk about their loss (to avoid upsetting them)". If you ask the bereaved what is the one thing you need as you grieve? Many times their response will be "I need to talk about my loss". This shows how misunderstood a griever can feel at a time of loss. We are taught to "stuff" our feelings, "begin to move on" and "be strong". When one has the opportunity to openly grieve and share their feelings in relationship with others, they then have the ability to transform feelings of emptiness and loss into a peaceful state-of-being and healing. Although experiencing the thoughts, memories, and visions associated with your loved one may be painful, it may lead to a deeper understanding and acceptance that will eventually evolve from your loss. This can result in finding new ways to connect and honor the relationship you shared with your loved one. Time lines and expectations can pressure a griever to move on too soon. One doesn't get over a loss of someone who has held space in their heart. However, one can learn to live with the hole the loss has left behind.
It is not uncommon for people to be reluctant about counseling, especially when grieving. "How will you be able to make me feel better?" is a common question expressed to me. The honest answer is; I cannot make one feel better. However, providing a compassionate and open presence can help facilitate and support someone as they go through their grieving process. Many think, "I should be strong enough to do this on my own". One of the most powerful ways to grieve is by sharing how your experience is affecting you as you receive unconditional support, acceptance, love and validation. Grieving is really hard. However, expressing and processing our grief can create a new connection and bond with our loved one, other than only through the loss of them.
You do not want to go to a counselor to receive advice. You want someone to allow, validate and explore your experience, through your perspective. You have all the inner resources and strengths within you to heal from your pain. Although, it can be very difficult to draw from these inner abilities when grieving. Being able to sit with feelings and go through the wilderness of grief provides insights and different perspectives needed to shine light on inner strengths and one's innate ability to heal. Grief is reflective of the love shared within a relationship. Being open and connected to one's grief is also the path and connection to the love shared.
Grief counseling can help you...
- Accept the reality of the loss
- Process the pain and other feelings associated with loss
- Find new perspectives and meaning the loss has for you
- Integrate the loss and memory of your loved one in your life as you continue on
- Create loving and lasting continuing bonds and connection with your loved one.
One of my most honored roles, as a therapist, is bearing witness to the love, memories and relationships. I have worked as a bereavement counselor for Hospice of the Valley for 6 years and as a Group Facilitator at the Cancer Support Community for over 8 years. I have learned and been inspired by the resiliency and strength of the many grievers and cancer survivors I have had the opportunity to meet.
Other losses addressed in therapy include:
- Divorce
- Job loss
- Miscarriages
- Loss of our forever friends, our beloved pets
- Relationship/partner losses
- Personal injury or illness
For further ideas of support, please check out my blog, "Helpful Suggestions for Dealing with Grief"
Please call Shannon Schiefer MA, LPC if you want to talk further. 480-331-4439
